LESSON 3: ACCEPT THAT IT’S GOODBYE FOR LIFE
This is one of the hardest lessons of grief. According to a book on Trauma response, there are basically 4 phases—shock, anger, re-entry, and helping others—a person(s) goes through while grieving, usually characterized by different expressions/actions.
Denial is part of the grieving process and is often one the default response after you’ve lost a loved one.
I was in denial and refused to accept that my brother was actually dead until I saw him laying cold on the mortuary slab and I held his hands but he didn’t hold mine back. 🥹 Still, I couldn’t accept it. It felt like accepting that he’s dead would actually make him dead🥲
Even after his burial I still waited for him to come back home from school because accepting that he was actually dead felt drenching.
For Mama my denial was laced with fasting and prayer. I felt God would still wake her up for me and throughout the wake keep, I waited without result.
On the morning of the burial, I remember speaking to her while wiping the coffin about how I was waiting to see her wake up so that the food for guests would be use for her return reception 😅
My eyes were glued to the coffin all through the requiem mass as I looked out for the slightest movement to signify that there would be no burial. The burial still took place.
The same denial trailed Praise’s death as I waited for her to come visit me at home after I returned home from school but she never came.
I’ve realised over the years that refusing to accept what has happened does not change the fact. It only bounds you in a place of pain.
Understanding and accepting that it’s goodbye for life and you will never see or speak to your loved one again is HARD!
But, instead of refusing to accept the reality and living in deep seated, soul crushing pain, accept the reality and learn to deal with the pain of loss.
PPBlessing 