TRAUMA

TRAUMA is any experience that destabilizes your life.

TRAUMA TRIGGERS are those things you hear, see or feel that reminds you of the trauma you’ve experienced.

If you’ve experienced trauma, it’s very likely that you’ve experienced trauma triggers too. You might not exactly know they’re triggers, but they are there.

To heal effectively, you’ll need to
°Identify your trauma.
°Know your triggers.
°Be willing to sort out your physiological and psychological reactions to the trauma.
°Build resilience.
°Move forward.

None of these is a walk in the park. All of these need your 💯 willingness to work through the process.

Some people can go through all of these on their own.
Some will need friends and family to pull through.
Some will need professional help from a therapist.
Some will require a combination of all of the above.

What’s important at the end of the day is that you let yourself heal so that you can live while you’re alive and not be a shadow of yourself due to trauma.

PERSONAL SCENERIO
When I lost my Mom in 2016, the first taught that crossed my mind was *Not again*🤦🏽‍♀️

To say I was devastated is a huge understatement.
I went from mourning and crying to being hopeful and strong to being angry, disappointed and utterly broken.

My mood was all over the place–one minute I’m calm, the next minute I’m irritable.

Praying lost it’s meaning, I felt it was pointless talking to a God who took away my brother and then, took my Mother too.

Reading the Bible lost the “Spark” it used to have.

I withdrew from my friends because they were all trying to be there for me, which is an awesome thing, but at that point, all I wanted was to be alone.

I avoided talking about the incidence.

Food lost it’s appeal. I was hardly ever hungry and so, I lost so much weight (I never recovered my weight until recently 😊)

My hiding place was my phone (I wrote a ton of poems within that period), Movies (these made time pass a little faster) and books (not my lecture notes o 🤣🤣, mostly novels, they provided an escape where I could get lost in other people’s words). While all of these was happening, I hadn’t the slightest knowledge on trauma or triggers but that didn’t exempt me from having triggers or experiencing it’s psychological and physiological effects.

Some of my triggers where:

– Seeing the Zumuntan Mata and hearing them sing (😭😭 it reminded me that my Mom was no longer there). I cried every other Sunday after Mass so I stopped going for the 9am Mass which we used to attend together and started attending the 6pm Mass. It proved an easy escape as most of the people who attended the 6pm Mass weren’t familiar with me or my family so I could easily leave after Mass without having to exchange pleasantries with anyone.

– Seeing people with their Moms or hearing them talk about their Moms (🤦🏽‍♀️😭😭)

– Hearing about a funeral, or seeing an obituary (I still don’t attend burials, I absolutely avoid them like a plague)

– Seeing a coffin.

– Seeing any elderly woman that remotely looked like my Mom 🤦🏽‍♀️

– Seeing RIP on social media (Please don’t scatter my day 😏)

It took me quite sometime to resume praying and studying the Bible. I had to forgive God for taking my Mom away and we reconciled😊

Very few of my friends were able to stay through that period of my avoidance and nonchalance towards them. The few who stuck through my bullshit then tried no be small, thank you so much Uwam, Mercy, Evelyn, Ibro, Wase, Yipah, Ene, Annah, Pamela and Sebastian.

I finally got over the pain of seeing the Zumuntan Mata after about two years and resumed going for 9am Mass.

It took a great deal of time, friends who stuck around, good movies and amazing books to get me through the pain and help me reach resilience and thus, move on with my life.

Yes, I still miss my Mom, especially on days when I have things to share with her but thank God for my mother inlaw, in her, I’ve found a Mom I can rant to. Uwam can testify that I’ve successfully snatched her from him 🤪

I still don’t attend funerals, please don’t be annoyed if you’ve lost a loved one and I didn’t show up or if you posted about losing a loved one and I didn’t comment or call. I’m still working on overcoming that part of the trigger.

In all of these, one thing should be clear; you can only heal and move forward when you are ready.

No matter how much your friends, family or therapist wants to help, they can only guide you towards healing.

You have to do the hard work of sorting through your trauma yourself. Only when you have agreed you’re traumatized, made a conscious decision to move forward and work towards achieving it can you gain resilience and fully heal.

Is the process easy? NO.
Is it pain and stress free? NO.
Is it fast or slow? It depends on you.
Is it worth it? YES!

So no matter what your trauma is, make up your mind to heal and move on.

Do it for you because you deserve to live life not just wade through like a ghost.

Feel free to email me at ppbless.bp@gmail.com if you’re willing to share or want to ask questions. Let’s start December on a clean slate with better mental health.
✌🏽